couple of weeks earlier, I was taking a morning walk in a nearby park and after walking for a while, I sat down on a bench and took a long, slow and deep breath which really relaxed me for a moment. As the air rushed into my lungs through the nostrils, a familiar thought again appeared inside my head with much greater than the speed of light. It came with a heavy feeling. A kind of feeling that everyone experience once in his lifetime. But mine was a feeling of loss, a feeling of guilt, something I badly wished to have in my life but I never had. Then I decided to hunt down the every possible reason like I was too scared or too weak to ask for it or maybe it was out of my league or I didn't even had the courage to initiate the process... et cetra et cetra. Its easy to live with a false reason rather than living with no reason at all. When I finally felt like I had found the most probable one which might be the true cause, I took hold onto it for a much longer period of time. But no one knew the exact reason. No one. It really becomes easier to jump onto a specific conclusion whenever an event gets over. The heartache still hangs around me. It was something I was 'anchored' to. Anchored? What do I mean by the anchor, anyway? Its a little thing that holds the ship at the bay, something that restricts the boat from exploring the vast deep blue ocean. But a ship is always destined to be on its journey so its needs to be untethered at first.
Soon I realized that a decision had to be made if I really wanted to get over it; whether to look forward into the future or stick with the past? So I made up my mind and took the other turn to leave everything behind. Everything that wasn't serving me on my journey anymore and travelled on the road that lead me to a simple, better and happy future. As a Roman Stoic philosopher, statesmen and dramatist, Seneca, once said - "time heals what reasons cannot." And time did so exactly what it should have. It healed my open wounds. No matter under what circumstances you've been through, there's always a reason to move on for a greater good.
Recently, I snapped a photo of a dying old tree in my backyard and shared it on social media. I captioned it with a simple quote: "the trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let dead things go".
'Letting go' can be extremely challenging and scary especially if your heart and mind are singing two different songs together. Its the releasing of anything that obstruct your happiness and no longer serves you on your journey. It is a choice to decide that you will never ever wander around the things that are out of your control and focus on what you can control, instead. It involves an internal process that must happen if you truly want to feel better and get on with life in a healthy way.
Throughout this year, I had a lot of conversations with many people and read many books on exactly how to leave things behind. I have come up with some step that helps me better understand about leaving behind and it could be possibly helpful for you too.
A gentle reminder, it's important that one must honor where he is on his journey of letting go. It could appear a bit more challenging for some than others.
Mind Control | The mind inside us is one of the complex tool nature has provided and that's why using it as an ally or an enemy completely depends on us. Making an intentional decision to no longer let past issues and people who continuously hurt us control the mind is what can possibly break the loop of these thoughts, ideas, emotions and feelings. The reality is not what your thoughts doesn't define your value. You are not the product of your past experiences and just because something didn't work out doesn't mean you are labeled as a failure or you are incapable of handling whatever the things life throws at you.
Thoughts are nothing more than thoughts and they don't even exist anywhere in the world except in our own heads.
Get it all out | The ability of expressing your emotions and feeling is another way to processing things before deciding to let them go. Being a writer, it is also a must for me as a form of catharsis and creative release. That's why I love scratching my own thoughts and emotions over a notebook before sharing it over the Internet.
The Acceptance | We all want to know why something ended the way it did or how could someone ended hurting us so bad. We believe we deserve the right to know the reasons or answers. A some level of understanding. But not everyone will explain why they did something or even sincerely apologize when they are at fault. Moving on with no solid answers with life is no fun, but its something many of us have to do at some point or the other. That's why we call it 'life', I believe.
Forgiveness | Sometimes you have to accept an apology you'll never receive and that really takes strength and courage and humanity. The best we can do is to learn to forgive ourselves as well. That's how the chips will fall overtime.
Be in the present | The present is all we have. Past is gone and future isn't here yet. You can't reverse the time and undo all the things that happened. A friend of mine once told me that: "you are right where you are supposed to be" and my initial reaction to that was filled with frustration and confusion.
Finally this year has inspired me to work little bit harder and leave behind anything that holds me back. Past is past, overall. I can't change it.
- Marianne Williamson
Conclusion: Ultimately, we must learn to let things go because acceptance is the only key we have. A reality that we must accept. Of course, we love to watch a wonderful sunset but we can't freeze that moment in time. It has to pass anyway. Passing of time is the nature's course of action. Life is fulfilling only if we allow ourselves to let go, if we decide to be in this moment. At the end, there's one thing I have learned that, if you really love something....the best thing you can do is to let it go away.